I'm Not Okay, I Promise
by 8basketballdiva8
Summary: One's life can change in many ways in a matter of seconds. It can change for the better, or worse. Companion to Vodka and Tears. WARNING: Yaoi, boy on boy action in the future. No likey, no ready.
1. If You Only Knew

**Disclaimer: I do not and will not ever own Hetalia, no matter how much I ask Santa for it. *sadness***

**On a side note, if you're reading this, you may want to read my other story, Vodka and Tears, first. It gives the background, considering this is a companion to it.**

**Now, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Raivis jumped, startled by the sudden ringing. Slowly he reached for the phone and said,<p>

"H-hello?"

"Raivis? Thank god you answered! I've been worried sick about you! Toris said you weren't feeling well, but you've been out of it for a month!"

Raivis gulped. It was Peter. Shakily he replied,

"It's nothing. I've just been very t-tired and out of it lately."

"For an entire month? What could you have been doing to make you so tired?"

Tears started streaming down Raivis' cheeks; it wasn't anything he had done, it was all Mr. Russia's fault. Ever since that night, Raivis had been depressed, antisocial, and paranoid. For the first week he would scarcely leave his bed, blaming it on the flu. He hadn't told anyone of what happened, not Toris, not Eduard and not Peter. Of course they noticed, but none of them suspected how bad it really was.

"I-I'm fine. T-thanks for calling." Raivis sniffled, "I'm going to t-take a nap. Goodbye Peter."

"Wait! Raivis, talk to m-!" Raivis shoved the receiver down, sobbing freely now. Through his sadness, he didn't hear the door open, nor did he hear Ivan walk across the room. Only when his tormenter sat on his bed did Raivis notice. He literally froze in place. All the memories he had buried away came rushing back to him.

"Poor Raivis. Why are you crying, my little sunflower?" Ivan cooed, patting Latvia's head like he had before.

"N-no reason sir."

"Well my little one. I've noticed that you have been acting strange lately. Why don't you join us for dinner? I have a special surprise for you." Ivan said, smiling kindly.

"N-no thank you. I t-think I just want to go to bed if that is okay."

Ivan's entire complexion darkened, exposing him for the devil he really was. "It is not okay. You have to go back to normal Raivis, to how you were before our little gathering. If not, I will have to give you a reason to stay in bed, a reason to cry." More tears fell from Raivis' eyes; he couldn't take being raped again. He would surely die from it.

"Y-yes sir. May I c-clean up first?" Raivis asked, submissive.

"Da, you may. Be quick now. If you're not done in half an hour, I shall come get you." Ivan said, brushing the tears from Raivis' cheek. "I will be waiting." Ivan strolled out of the room, closing the door behind him. Slowly Raivis got out of bed and walked over to his bathroom. He turned the water on as hot as he could stand it and stepped in the shower. The water ran down his body, merging with tears and disappearing down the drain. Watching it go, Raivis wished that all his pain could be like water or sweat: He wished it could just wash away and be forgotten.

**After dinner...**

Raivis felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and exhaled, seeing Peter instead of Russia.

"Peter, what are you doing here? If Mr. Russia finds you here, he-!" Raivis was cut short by Peter's hand clamping over his mouth.

"Shh! If you're quiet, we won't have to worry about him finding me!" Peter whispered, "Now, come with me!"

"What? I can't leave! If Mr. Russia finds out, he'll surely beat me!" Raivis whispered back.

"What's the worst he could do?" Peter asked, not realizing the gravity of what he had just said.

"I-I… Just leave Peter!" Raivis cried trying to hide tears while pushing Peter towards the open window and balcony. "Go, now!"

"What's wrong with you Raivis? You're not yourself. Where's the old Raivis, the one that listened to me complain and played games with me?" Peter shook his head and climbed down the balcony. Quietly he added, "Where's the Raivis that I love?"

Latvia's window was already closed and locked.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't worry Peter! He's coming back! *sniffle*<strong>

**Any comments, questions and/or concerns? Review, please?**

**~Renee**


	2. Can't Take It

**Disclaimer: I do not and will not ever own Hetalia, no matter how much I ask Santa for it. *sadness***

**On a side note, if you're reading this, you may want to read my other story, Vodka and Tears, first. It gives the background, considering this is a companion to it.**

**Now, enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em>Raivis was running through a dark hall. He kept pouring on the speed but he couldn't escape the demon that was chasing him.<em>

"_Run faster Raivis. You'll just tire yourself out. And when you stop, I'll be there to hold you, to love you." The voice was deep, maniacal and everything Raivis feared. The voice belonged to evil personified._

"_Leave m-me alone! P-please!" Raivis looked over his shoulder and saw the figure disappear. He slammed into something and was immediately restrained by two large hands, one at his throat and one at his waistline, pulling his cloth pants down. All the wind was knocked out of his as he was pushed against the wall. Raivis was visibly shaking under Ivan's grasp._

"_I told you that running would not make a difference. Now, you've been a bad boy Raivis. And bad boys get punished."_

Violent shaking awoke the small nation from his nightmare. Toris was leaning over him, a concerned look on his face. Raivis noticed that he was alone in the bed with Toris above him and Eduard standing off in the corner, looking scared.

"Raivis, are you okay?" Toris asked, "You were thrashing around and screaming, saying something about being a 'bad boy.' Were you having a nightmare?"

"N-no…I don't k-know what it was. I'm b-better now though, t-thank you. I think I'll g-go get a g-glass of water." Raivis hurried out of the room and practically ran down the hall to Ivan's kitchen. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and went over to the sink. Taking a sip, he almost started crying as his nightmare rushed back to him. A ring of the phone brought him back to reality before he spiraled into depression.

"G-good morning. This is Raivis speaking."

"Hey Raivis! Guess who?" an energetic voice at the other line asked.

"I'm guessing it's Peter?" Raivis said, smiling slightly at his friend's peppiness.

"You guessed right! Now, I'll be at there to pick you up in 30 minutes. Be ready!" Peter said.

"Wait, wha-?" Peter had already hung up. Sighing, Raivis walked back to their room. Toris had opened the curtains to let pale morning light shining through, and now he was in the process of making the bed. Raivis put down his glass and picked up the blankets from the floor. Toris offered a smile, and gladly took them.

"So Raivis, who was that calling?" Eduard asked, coming out of the bathroom.

"Oh, just Peter. I think he wants to take me somewhere. He said he'd be here in 30 minutes." Raivis answered.

"That works. We have to leave for the World Meeting soon anyway. Just tell Mr. Russia where you'll be going." Toris said.

"S-sure." Raivis answered, his stutter coming back. "I'll g-go do that now."

As Raivis walked down the long corridor to Ivan's study, his heart started to beat faster. Knocking on the big oak doors, a smooth, deceiving voice called for him to answer.

"G-good morning Mr. Russia. Is t-there anything I can g-get for you?" Raivis asked.

"Good morning Raivis. That stutter of yours is fairly annoying. We'll have to get rid of it, da?" Ivan said, smiling sweetly.

"Yes sir. If it p-pleases you." Raivis answered.

"Now, what did you come in here for? Is there something I can do for you?"

"Well, Peter just called a few moments ago," Raivis explained, trying hard not to stutter, "And he wanted to know if I could go with him somewhere. I would like to go. May I?"

"You may. This is good Raivis. You are going back to your old self. I will expect to see you back here after the meeting." Ivan said, motioning Raivis out the door.

"Thank you sir. I will be back before the meeting is over." Raivis walked out to the hall, smiling widely. The doorbell rang and Raivis rushed to open it. Peter was standing in the doorway in his trademark blue and white sailor suit.

"You ready? C'mon!" Peter practically dragged Raivis out of the door. When they got back to Iggy's house, Peter took the Baltic into the den where a huge TV was set up.

"Here." Peter said, offering Raivis a big bucket of popcorn. "Come sit. You'll love the movie."

"What movie is it?" Raivis sat down in one of the huge chairs.

"It came out in America a few months ago. It's called Inception. You won't get 'fraidy cat will you?" Peter smirked.

"Of course not. I just hope you won't end up clinging to me." The movie started along with ominous music. About 30 minutes in, the two were already bored.

"So Raivis, what's been up with you lately? I thought you were dead or something."

"N-nothing really. I have been really tired and depressed though."

"Depressed? What for? Did Mr. Russia take away your candy?" Peter smirked. Almost immediately, Raivis burst into tears. He couldn't take it anymore; He couldn't keep pretending to be okay when most people knew he wasn't, he couldn't take the crushing guilt and he couldn't take knowing that he had been scarred and that Ivan was going to get away with it.

"Whoa, Raivis! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Peter exclaimed, grabbing Raivis by the shoulders.

"I-It's…n-nothing."

"Nothing? You can't sit here, bawl your eyes out then tell me that nothing's wrong. Tell me, please? I want to know. I want to help." Looking in Peter's eyes, Raivis knew that his words were genuine. And so he told. He told of how Ivan had invaded more than just his bed that night, of how Ivan tore him apart forever. With each word, Peter was getting and more emotional, a raging tempest of feelings. At the end the only feeling that was left was one of bitter resentment for Ivan and what he had done to his best friend. Peter gathered Raivis into a hug, offering all the support he could to the crying, broken nation.

"Raivis." The boy looked up, his eyes red. "Don't worry Raivis. What Ivan did to you was unforgivable. But we'll make it better. I'll make it right." Peter looked down and offered a small smile, a look of pure compassion in his eyes. Then, he leaned forward and kissed Raivis on the lips, wiping his tears away with a thumb.

* * *

><p><strong>SADNESS! *bawls uncontrollably*<strong>

**Read and review? BTW, I'ma do one more chapter of this, then it's all done!**

**~Renee**


	3. Midnight Romeo

**Disclaimer: I do not and will not ever own Hetalia, no matter how much I ask Santa for it. *sadness***

**On a side note, if you're reading this, you may want to read my other story, Vodka and Tears, first. It gives the background, considering this is a companion to it.**

**Now, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Raivis was shocked. Why would Peter kiss him? He was happy to have the sympathy, to know someone cared. This was only the second time Raivis had ever been kissed. The first was when Ivan demanded it. That kiss was filled with lust and fueled by alcohol. This was different though. Raivis could tell that all Peter wanted was to help him.<p>

"P-Peter." Raivis whispered, his words muffled by Peter's shoulder.

"Yes Raivis?" Peter answered.

"T-Thank you. For being here for me. For helping me." Raivis took a deep breath and looked up, "I love you Peter."

"I love you too Raivis. If you let me, I can show you what sex really is. What it should be like, the ultimate bond between two people who love each other like we do."

Raivis was nervous. Would it be like what Ivan did to him? Or would it be different because it was with Peter? He wanted for Peter to love him. He had always loved Peter, but was scared to tell him for fear of getting rejected. He wanted the kind of love that Toris and Feliks had, the kind of love that lasts forever. And he was almost sure that he could get that kind of love with Peter. Looking up, he saw Peter staring out the window, eyes filled with sorrow and worry. Separating himself from Peter's warm embrace, he moved closer and kissed Peter on the lips.

"Please." He said, "Show me how to love." Peter smiled and muted the movie. Then he took Raivis by the hand and led him to his room.

Peter kissed Raivis softly on the lips. Reaching down, he pulled Raivis' shirt over his head only breaking the kiss for a second. Then he used his hands to unbutton his own shirt halfway before Raivis' hands took over. When it was off Peter pushed Raivis onto the bed, lips still locked. Belts were unbuckled and pants came off, leaving only boxers between the two. Before those came off, Raivis broke the kiss.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked, concerned, "Did I do something badly?

"You're doing everything perfectly. It's just…" Raivis trailed off.

"It's what? Please tell me Raivis. I can make it better."

"I'm just scared. I've never done anything like this before. What if I mess up? Will you still love me?"

"I couldn't stop loving you if I tried. Don't worry; it's my first time too. We can learn together. I promise." Peter sealed the promise with a kiss, washing away any doubt Raivis had. Peter kissed all the way down his body, stopping at the waist of his boxers.

"Are you ready?" Peter said, his words muffled by the fabric. Taking a deep breath, Raivis answered,

"I am." Peter bit at the waistband of Raivis' boxers, pulling them slowly downwards. He took Raivis' half erect member in his hands, stroking it smoothly. Raivis moaned loudly. When he was fully erect, Peter moved down to Raivis' entrance and started to insert a finger.

"Wait." Raivis called, breathing deeply. "It's your turn." Peter smiled slightly and switched places with Raivis. Raivis used his hands to pull down Peter's boxers, throwing them on top of his own. Then he took Peter's manhood into his mouth, much like Russia did. Using his tongue he massaged it, humming constantly to tease Peter even more. By the time they were both fully erect, they were panting with eyes full of desire. The feeling was new to each of them in different ways: Peter only having dreamed about it and Raivis having experienced it when fear and pain dominated.

Peter reclaimed his spot and started inserting a finger inside his almost-lover. Raivis inhaled sharply, not used to the tightness. Peter stopped until he got the okay to keep going. Then he inserted another finger, scissoring and wiggling them to stretch Raivis out.

Soon, he had three fingers inside.

"Peter…" Raivis breathed, panting heavily now, "Please…"

"Are you sure? We can stop if it hurts," Raivis shook his head violently, eyes pleading with Peter. Peter took his place on top of Raivis and lined himself up with his entrance. Slowly but surely, he pressed in. Raivis nodded for him to continue and he buried himself completely inside. He sat there for a few seconds, letting them both get used to the feeling. Then he started moving in and out slowly, finding that it was relatively easy. Their moans filled the room, Raivis' conquering all.

"Faster…" Raivis gasped. Peter complied and sped up the pace. Leaning down he kissed Raivis sweetly, a kiss shared between two true lovers. They kept their lips locked as the both reached their climaxes, Raivis finishing first. His essence spilled all over their chests, splattering the sheets. Peter came soon after, filling Raivis with liquid love. Peter fell down onto Raivis' chest, showering him with kisses and words of affection. Still inside, he gathered Raivis into an embrace and whispered,

"You're okay now. I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>I would like to thank anyone and everyone who has read these stories. You are the fuel to the fire that keeps me writing! Corny, I know.<strong>

**I'm going to start working on new stories, so PM me if you have any ideas!**

**Goodbye my lovelies!**

**~Renee**


End file.
